Monday, August 27, 2012

Down the Rabbit Hole

I haven't had my kitchen for almost 2 weeks due to some technical difficulties. It's really hurt my waistline, bank account and goals. I have had to eat out for almost every meal for two weeks and it's completely caught up with me. I feel bloated and puffy and just weighed down. I tried to make good choices but you can't control food that other people make. Finally today I was able to go to the grocery store and I am super stoked. After boot camp I had chicken tacos made with a roasted skinless chicken breast, whole wheat tortillas, lettuce, tomato, peach salsa (so yum!) and a little avocado. For the first time in two weeks I could actually control everything I was eating. I got eggs so for breakfast I can have egg whites with spinach, tomatoes and mushrooms. Sandwich thins for Tofurky and soy cheese sandwiches with fruit for lunch. Dinner this week is steak salad with lots of veggies and fat free Caesar dressing, veggie burgers and steamed veggies, and stir fry with brown rice. I am actually pumped to eat well. I think it's going to help me both physically and mentally. I always try to think of food as fuel and the higher the octane the better the performance. I also need to start detoxing because the Stripped Challenge starts this weekend and because this weekend I didn't just fall off the wagon I took a flying leap.
Tonight when Taryn took my measurements she asked me if I had been bad or good this weekend. I am pretty sure she knew the answer. All of my stats today were exactly the same as they were last week. I had to be honest with her and I have to be honest with all of you and most importantly I have to be honest with myself. I failed this weekend. I not so secretly reunited with my ex Jack Daniels and made some really really poor food choices. I didn't exercise. I basically fell down the fatty rabbit hole. It's really frustrating and really disappointing and the worst part is I have no one to blame but myself. The bottle said "Drink Me" and the cookie said "Eat Me" and so I did and for the weekend all of my goals were topsy turvey. Somehow I found myself mid weekend at the mad tea party with The Mad Hatter and it was chaos. A very unmerry unbirthday to my waistline. It's totally bizarre because I could feel my conscience telling me what the right choices were but for whatever reason I completely ignored it. For instance, I was at Walgreen's with Emily on Saturday and I wasn't hungry but yet I got a bag of BBQ potato chips (single serving) and ate them. I have no idea why, I don't even really like chips. I don't know if I was stressed or anxious or what. It was really weird and after I ate them I thought, why the eff did I do that? Curiouser and curiouser. I really wish that at some point during my adventure in Wonderland that I had run into the Queen of Hearts and she would have taken off my head. This morning when I woke up and looked at myself in the mirror it was like looking through the looking glass at someone other than myself. I was disappointed and frustrated and just felt like some fun house version of myself. All I can do is wake up, chalk it up to a bad dream and move forward. And hope that there's a little caterpillar on my shoulder to give me good advice.

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