Friday, September 21, 2012


All of this Endeavour space shuttle excitement got me thinking. When I was a kid my Dad piled us up in our motor home and drove us out to Edwards Air Force Base to watch the space shuttle land. We stood on the roof and watched history happen. It didn't register that way then (all my brother and I cared about was the astronaut ice cream) but looking back it's pretty cool to say I've see the space shuttle land from outer space. I've seen almost every National Park in the Pacific and Central time zones. I've been white water rafting, bungee jumping, para sailing, mountain climbing and so much more thanks to my Dad. He wanted to show us the world and he did to the best of his ability. My Dad pushed me to do more than I thought I could and face my fears. He would take me to the top of a black diamond ski run, stand at the edge with me and right before he would head down he would say "See you at the bottom!" I had two choices. Ski down or walk down. Every time I would get to the bottom and he would just smile. He knew I could do it even if I didn't.  He also raised me to believe that I can do anything and that through hard work and perseverance anything is possible. Confidence is not something I struggle with very often. Self image yes, confidence no. And my confidence is not to be confused with ego. I believe in myself and I also know that no matter what God will always take care of me.

I've had a rough year and a half. But I've survived and I am no worse for the wear. It has in fact made me stronger. But the last two weeks my confidence has been shaken. I'm feeling very unsure of myself. Oddly enough the one area where I usually struggle (fitness) I am feeling more confident daily. But the rest of my life feels chaotic and messy and I am just feeling so unsure. I feel a bit lost and it's a scary feeling because I don't know how to get myself out of it. I've been praying a lot. I wouldn't be opposed if you wanted to pray for me too. :) The one thing I can control right now is my eating habits and workout routine. I find that the better choices I make the better I feel and it's helping to fuel the momentum to my confidence comeback. Sometimes it can be overwhelming to look at your life as a whole and the best way to forge ahead is to just take it in pieces. Day by day, one step at a time. I can work out. I can go for a jog. I can make healthy meals for me and Jack. I can bake cupcakes. They may seem small, mundane things but for right now they are minor victories. They are little things that will add up to a bigger thing. I just need to breath and remind myself that this is all just temporary and there is sunshine at the end of the tunnel. I mean if I can raft a class 4 rapid through the Grand Canyon I can do this. Right?

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