So I'd like to start off by saying that my motivation for doing this blog is to give a real perspective of how weight loss and the struggle there of is. I feel like too often we see the beginning and the end results and no one really explains what the middle is like. Things like how good even the smallest victories are and how devastating the bad days can be. It's my real life guide to all the things I've found that help me and hurt me and maybe just maybe they might help someone else too.
So I made it to see Jeff again this morning! Small victory! Believe me when I say I'm really not kidding about the not getting out of bed thing. As I sit here typing this I can tell you I am sore. Like so sore that I bent down to scratch my foot and I almost started crying. But it's a good sore. It's the sore that tells me today I was victorious and that I am one day closer to my goals. Speaking of goals, It's hard to stay on track if you don't set goals. Too often I find that I only set one goal and that is to look like Kate Upton. Given the fact that A. I will never look like Kate Upton and B. I will never look like Kate Upton I am just setting myself up for failure. But Lesli! Aim for the stars! Dream big! When it comes to weight loss and the way our bodies look there has to be a sense of practicality to our goals. So I am re-defining my goals. I am going to set mini goals along the way to my super successful self. So here they are in chronological order:
1. I am setting a goal of working out a total of 5 days a week. 3 days with a personal trainer and 2 days walking/jogging (which has to do with goal number 6.) The number of days may change in respect to what or who I spend more time with but it will be 5 days. Fingers crossed!
2. I am going to Las Vegas in May for Memorial Day weekend for Punk Rock Bowling. My goal is to feel good enough about myself that I will actually go in the pool at the pool parties in only my bathing suit. Deep breath...and trying not to hyperventilate. It's an immediate goal as it is only 2 months away. I keep my bathing suit next to my alarm so whenever I go to hit that snooze button I see the suit and it forces me to get my butt outta bed.
3. I would like to wear summer clothes comfortably. Now granted it's the beach and tank tops and flip flops are a staple, but I would like to wear a sundress without having to keep my arms propped up and away from my sides so the fat doesn't squish. I mean after a couple hours into a Sunday funday my arms get ti-erd.
4. Halloween! I love playing dress up and there is a whole section in my closet reserved for costumes. Oh you're having a 1980's pirate movie themed party? Got it! I am sick of paying more and of having limited options because I have to get "plus size" costumes. I want to be able to be whatever I want this year.
5. The holidays. It's the most difficult time of the year...the cocktails are flowing and my stomach is growing and I'm too stuffed with cheeeeeer...I refuse to have another fluffy holiday season.
6. I want to run the Los Angeles Marathon for my birthday next year. (It always falls on or right around my birthday.) I don't run, I'm not a runner, just watching Forrest Gump makes me exhausted. There are a lot of reason I want to do this but we'll get into those at another time.
7. My ultimate goal. I want to be able to look in the mirror and be able to look myself in the eye and not feel ashamed. I hate being somewhere and seeing myself in a reflection whether it be a mirror or a glass window or whatever. I can't look at myself. It's too painful. It's a really heartbreaking place to be in.
So these outline my biggest and close future goals. If you notice I'm not adding weight goals. While it is important to weigh yourself in all the years I've been warring in the battle of the bulge I've found that for me personally, the scale is my enemy. It is because our weight fluctuates from all sorts of things and when it goes up even 2 lbs I get frustrated and want to give up. There are times where I've gained 5 lbs but my BMI went down 1pt. It's absolutely maddening. So instead of saying I want to lose 50lbs, I have set real life goals. Goals that I want to obtain both mentally, emotionally and physically. This time, failure is not an option.
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